1. Some people think that physics is exciting.
2. They say “There’s nothing like the thrill of discovery”.
3. But that feeling won’t prepare you for the real world.
4. Discoveries only happen once. Do you really want to be in the room when they happen?
5. It’s not as though people queue overnight for the big discoveries.
6. CERN’s one of the biggest labs in the world. It’s like Disneyland, but for physicists.
7. The machines are among the most complex in the world.
8. Seriously, don’t mess with those machines.
9. They’re not even nice to look at.
10. The machines are so big you have to drive through the French countryside to get from one side to the other.
11. There’s nothing beautiful about the French countryside.
12. And there’s nothing cool about working on the world’s biggest computing grid with some of most powerful supercomputers ever created.
13. A dataset so big you can’t fit it all in one place? Please.
14. So you can do your analysis from anywhere in the world? Lame!
15. And our conferences always take place in strange places.
16. Who has time to travel?
17. Some people even take time away from the lab to go skiing.
18. Physicists have been working on this stuff for decades. Nobody remembers any of these people:
19. But particle physics is only about understanding the universe on the most fundamental level.
20. We don’t even have a well stocked library to help us when things get tough.
21. Or professors and experts to explain things to us.
22. And the public don’t care about what we do.
23. Even the press don’t pay any attention.
24. And who wants to contribute to the sum of human knowledge anyway?
25. There’s nothing exciting about being on shift in the Control Room either.
26. Or travelling the world to collaborate.
27. Or meeting hundreds of people, each with their own story and background.
28. You never get to meet any interesting people.
29. And physicists have no sense of humour.
30. Honestly, who would want to be a physicist?